Nothing is more important to parents than their child's safety. So when they discover that their teen has been intentionally hurting herself by cutting, they are understandably worried and confused. Often, their first question is, "Why would my child want to kill herself?"
In most cases, teen cutting isn't a sign of suicidal thoughts or attempts. So why do teens hurt themselves? Self-injury may stem from any one of the following:
1. A Sign of an Underlying Mental Illness. Teens who engage in self-harm may have underlying mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, an eating disorder, a mood disorder or obsessive-compulsive disorder, that they attempt to "treat" by cutting. They may also struggle with impulsivity, which increases their chances of other risky behaviors including substance abuse. Just as some teens self-medicate with drugs or alcohol, some hurt themselves in order to alleviate tension, stress or other negative feelings.
2. A Plea for Help or Attention. Cutting can be used by teens as a way to communicate feelings they can't express in words or to ask for help when they know no other way. Teens who don't feel cared for or loved may injure themselves to "test" their parents or other loved ones, to get a response or to make others feel guilty.
3. A Way to Express Emotional Pain. Some teens use self-harm as a way to deal with the pain of past abuse or trauma, relationship troubles, divorce or death in the family, pressures to be perfect, or intense feelings of rage, sadness, rejection or loneliness. When negative feelings become too difficult to bear and teens don't see any end in sight, cutting may be the only relief they feel they can access.
4. A Way to Feel Something. Teens who feel emotionally numb may start cutting in order to feel something, even pain. They may view cutting as a way to balance out their emotional pain with physical pain or to "feel alive."
The act of cutting causes the body to release endorphins (natural painkillers), which produces some degree of physical pain relief. For this reason, cutting can become a compulsive behavior and the craving for relief too hard to resist.
5. An Attempt to Feel in Control. For some, cutting is a distraction from painful thoughts and memories that provides both a sense of release and control. Even when life is spiraling out of control, through cutting teens are able to choose how much physical pain they endure.
6. An Attempt to Fit In. Teens who feel they don't fit in or that no one understands them may try to escape their feelings of isolation by cutting. In some cliques, cutting is considered cool, and teens who self-harm are seen as tough and edgy.
7. An Attempt to Punish Oneself. Teens who feel a great deal of anger or self-hatred may view cutting as a way to punish themselves. In addition, some teens who have a history of physical, sexual or emotional abuse may erroneously blame themselves for having been abused and feel that they deserve to feel pain.
Tips for Parents
Know the Signs. You can't address a problem if you don't know it exists. Because of the shame and guilt they feel, most teens attempt to keep their behavior secret from parents and friends.
Most teens who engage in self-injury cut themselves, but other forms of self-injury include pinching, self-hitting, hair-pulling, biting, bone breaking, branding, burning and embedding objects in the skin. Self-injury often starts during adolescence and most frequently affects well-educated young women between 13 and 30 years of age who don't know how to express their feelings, lack a strong support system and have low self-esteem.
Be on alert for the signs of teen cutting, including the following:
Stay Calm. Your child likely isn't trying to commit suicide, but cutting is a clear sign that they need to develop healthier ways to cope with painful emotions. Coping skills can be learned with guidance and practice.
Don't Judge or Blame. When you discover your teen is cutting, your first reaction will likely be shock. Rather than passing judgment or showing disgust, offer your support. Teens who engage in self-harm are in a lot of pain. Listen to what they have to say rather than jumping to conclusions, and show your deep concern and unconditional love. Let your teen know that you will partner with them to figure out why they are cutting and get them the help they need.
Ask for Help. Whatever the reason is behind your teen's cutting, the behavior warrants immediate care before it leads to even more severe consequences. According to a study in the Journal of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics, teens who repeatedly cut themselves use condoms less consistently, are more likely to share cutting instruments and have less self-restraint, increasing their chances of possibly contracting HIV and other diseases.
Even if your teen doesn't intend to commit suicide, it is possible to miscalculate the depth of a cut or take the behavior too far. And cutting may be a sign that your child is feeling pain that they don't have the tools to deal with. Left unaddressed, those feelings may become so overwhelming that a teen turns to more drastic measures.
Therapeutic boarding schools, residential treatment centers for teens and wilderness therapy programs can help troubled teens recognize the seriousness of their behavior and learn healthier ways to cope with painful emotions such as art, journaling, exercise, talking, meditation or another form of self-expression. By speaking with a therapist and other teens struggling with similar issues, adolescents can identify what is triggering their self-injurious behaviors, heal past hurts and find ways to experience lasting relief.